the 3rd pig.

    i am a very introverted person, very socially awkward, socially inept even. i'm not kidding when i say is so bad it's most definitely pathological, i do need some sort of therapy intervention here, but i'm 28. i've survived this long, i can keep going on my own (also therapy is scary).

    all this to say i enjoy an odd number of people. a group of people where everyone can pair up and leave me behind for a bit. they can talk among themselves while i'm there but i don't really need to actively participate. you could say i have the opposite of fomo: i want to miss out, please do overlook me, don't talk to me directly.

 

    so i often find myself in trios of friends. 3 to be exact, i have 3 different friend groups in which i am the third one.

 

    not to contradict myself here (the human mind is weird like that), while it is true i lowkey want to be left out, mainly because getting all the attention/having to pay someone my full attention gives me so much anxiety, it physically hurts. it's also true i am quite a jealous person.

 

    when i can clearly see my two besties make plans without including me, talk to each other more than they talk to me, have inside jokes i don't understand, etc. it feels like they like each other better than they like me, so i get sad and jealous.

 

    now of course my friends know me very very very well. so when they make a plan without me, it's because they're going to a place they know will give me so much anxiety i could combust and die. when they talk to each other but not me is because they know i often feel like not talking. the inside jokes i don't get, they just naturally occur when they spend time without me, it's not something they do to be mean (plus they always explain them to me). so they do really love me.

     

    even if it's safe to say they don't actually like each other more than me,  my brain doesn't seem to care about facts that much, so it still makes me feel like crap and insecure. like i said, the human mind is a weird thing.

 

    do you know what my brain does care about ? a tiny pig figurine.

 

 

    two of my friends went on a trip together and they bought 3 tiny pigs, one for me. i wasn't there and they still included me. they saw the pigs, they wanted one, they could've gotten one each and call it a day but they didn't. they were two but they bought 3, because we are 3.

 

    perfect number, 3

three

tres