well,

i'm quite a negative person. well i'm not sure if negative is the right word. maybe depressive or anhedonic are better descriptors. i often find myself wishing i was dead. sighing: why bother ?  now don't get me wrong, i don't think i'm suicidal. i'm just very comfortable with the idea of dying. i don't believe in any of the many many human fantasies about death: reincarnation, heaven, ghosts. all that is pretty much bullshit to me, i believe i will stop existing altogether when i die. i will stop thinking, stop feeling, stop breathing. now for someone that is extremely anxious and socially dysfunctional, to stop existing sounds so peaceful and nice. life is so chaotic, so scary. death, on the other hand, sounds so relaxing.  so many times i caught myself in the middle of one of my favorite activities or about to finish a collection i've been trying to put together for almost ten years and i'm like: why ? why did i do that ? why am i putting so much ...

i was probably 11 years old when i got my first nintendo ds. i remember i got it for christmas and my little brother (who didn't ask for one) got so crazy jealous my dad had to go to the store and get him one too.  mine was better tho, because it was cherry red and it came with thE disk (the one you could use to pirate games), which means i didn't pay for a single video game ever. it also meant i had more games than time to play, so i had to pick and choose. my 2 favorites were: a very weird japanese rhythm game and ⋆ tamagotchi corner shop 2  ⋆. you can imagine then how fast i bought tamagotchi plaza for the switch, as soon as it was out i was playing it. it's not a rare thing that you remember things better than they actually were but this time, it was as good as i remembered ! this game is so much fun and so specifically tailored to my brain. so many goofy looking characters, silly story line and repetitive gameplay with a very clear, very simple reward and level up sys...

hear me out, i understand book Benedict Bridgerton is evil and everyone hates him but this is tv show Benedict Bridgerton. Most fans haven't read the books (i am most fans) so we are talking here about tv show   Benedict , my favorite brother, and i'm about to defend him so if you hate him maybe stop reading. there's 2 key points we both, Sophie and the audience, know that he doesn't:   ✧ Sophie is actually a lady that was demoted to servant by her cartoonishly evil step mom. ✧ Sophie is the woman in silver.   and the 2 main things i see people are mad about:   ✧  hOW can he not recognize her ??? there's only 1 asian family on the ton there's only 1 asian family with an important role on the show but i very much doubt they're the only family on the ton. i'm sure we've seen more asian background characters over the seasons.   either way, we know this show doesn't treat race as a real thing. i don't even think he knows she's asian:...

i love the messy look of crayon. they're so thick, so easily breakable. it's basically impossible to make a perfect drawing with them and i love it.  i enjoy thick, uneven lines so much. i really love coloring outside the lines because doesn't matter how much you sharpen them, it's literally impossible to stay in. so here's a little time lapse of me struggling to draw the sticker of my favorite fruit, that black crayon is soooo tiny, i break my favorite colors all the time and i end up having to color in with the tiniest tools to ever exists. yes, my fingers hurts after a while but whats important here is how much fun i'm having (big comfortable to use pencils and markers could never bring be this much joy !! !)       bye <3     ♬⋆.˚ creo que soy de porcelana by las petunias

 before i could afford a nice tablet i could use for digital drawing i bought this super cheap mouse pad with a pencil, you know the ones that are just like the touchpad of a laptop but bigger ? it was so hard to get used to looking at the screen instead of at the pad were i was actually drawing but once i got it, it was so much fun. i made so many more drawings using the pad and microsoft paint that i've ever drawn on my tablet ! and i feel like sharing some with you, so here ya go:     dogs cant eat grapes but i love them and every time i eat them trufo wants them so bad, he doesn't seem to care they could kill him        here i was trying to convey the way i feel when i want to look and to be perceived a certain way but in my mind i cant never seem to get there, then some random person would tell me how they see me, making me realize they do see me how i want to be perceived,, idk if this is relatable or if i explained myself but.... yeah that's my ...

every new day on the internet there's a fight over which version of strawberry shortcake is better. people get so mad, blood is shed, everyone is screaming: they destroyed the original design ! !!!! ! what do you mean by original design tho ? i grew up with with the 2003 version, and to me, a kid watching my favorite movie, she was the only version to ever exist, she was the original.  then i grew up and they made a new version (2007), and of course i looked at her once and i thought: that's not ! my girl. i looked back to my strawberry shortcake with love and longing, i missed the days where she was the main it girl. and that's called: nostalgia . the fact that you miss something that literally raised you, doesn't mean the newer shinier version of it is not good. it means its not for you ! 2007 strawberry shortcake was for the 2007 kids ! and i bet they love her. she was dressed according to the age, she was animated according to what kids liked back then. i know all t...

and that's a second hit on my book bingo ! booktook made me read this one.    i wish i had half the fun reading this as i did making the collage about it. i rated it ☆☆☆3 stars, only because a younger version of myself still resides in me. i know 11 y/o me would've ate this book up, i would've loved this a teen so much i literally feel sad i couldn't read it back then, and instead i had to endure it now. it's actually a ☆☆2 stars. it did peak my interest at first, the characters were well written and queer, the horror was fun and confusing, the drawings of the monsters so cool and pretty. i love spooky nature forest creatures a lot, so this was right up my alley. but at some point it started getting long, and boring and just burdensome. for a couple of weeks there i really thought i was gonna DNF it. if not for the audiobook i would've. i played that shit at x2 and powered thru the end.  don't get me wrong, it's a good book (objectively) just not for me....

 i've been playing genshin impact for years now. the amount of hours i've spent logged into that game is truly  immeasurable, and i'm proud to say i am a f2p player, not a single euro went into my account. if you know something about gatcha games, you know that means you gotta play for so many hours to get shit done, so i know this game thru and thru. i love it. but it's also so annoying and frustrating sometimes, and on purpose too ! because they obviously want you to go the easy rout and buy the things you need to win. well genshin is famously known for copying the concept of the game  legend of zelda: breath of the wild. because i knew this, when faced with the decision: should i buy hello kitty adventure or botw , i assumed i was gonna enjoy zelda more because i already know i love genshin . now because genshin exists and it wasn't sued and shut down, i thought when people said they copied zelda they meant it had similar dynamics, the same way every singl...